Blog for turkey
Self-examination ahead.
Every now and then I am possessed with a panicky, crazed mood in which every possible activity I could engage in seems to take too long, too much effort, or too much thinking. This prevents me from doing just about anything as I dart from idea to idea like some stupid insect trying not to die.
What's more, the longer I don't settle down and engage with something, the more panicked I get. Come on, a not so helpful voice in my head commands, DO SOMETHING! Something meaningful, something elaborate, something supercool that no one in their right mind could ever look at and not be swayed by awe that you, a mere human, accomplished it. What the hell are you waiting for?
The intensity of the feeling makes the place underneath my fingernails get uncomfortably warm. I have trouble sleeping. In reaction, I leap from interest to interest in my dilettante vocabulary to try and soothe the place in my brain that is currently unfulfilled. Will I write? Compose? Shoot some video and edit it? Perform something?
The answer, of course, is that I will do nothing. I will sit at home and watch TV or a bunch of movies because, somehow, this quiets the nagging voice.
The worst, though, is when this mood attacks me while I'm at work (which I am right now).
I cannot focus. I cannot plan ahead. I cannot multi-task. I can't do anything except sit here and wonder what the hell I should do next, feeling too hot in every nook and cranny of my body.
I don't think this happens when I'm engaged in a long-term project. I think this same mood strikes me when I'm working hard at something, but the ready-made outlet at hand gives it the mask of a burst of inspiration. So what I'm suffering through right now is, I suppose, a kind of wet-dream for my creativity (whatever creativity means), a useless explosion of energy that accomplishes nothing but an increase in my body temperature.
I should try and train my body to turn this into a literal wet dream as that would be eminently more pleasureable and, also, would at least have a finite ending to look forward to.
Every now and then I am possessed with a panicky, crazed mood in which every possible activity I could engage in seems to take too long, too much effort, or too much thinking. This prevents me from doing just about anything as I dart from idea to idea like some stupid insect trying not to die.
What's more, the longer I don't settle down and engage with something, the more panicked I get. Come on, a not so helpful voice in my head commands, DO SOMETHING! Something meaningful, something elaborate, something supercool that no one in their right mind could ever look at and not be swayed by awe that you, a mere human, accomplished it. What the hell are you waiting for?
The intensity of the feeling makes the place underneath my fingernails get uncomfortably warm. I have trouble sleeping. In reaction, I leap from interest to interest in my dilettante vocabulary to try and soothe the place in my brain that is currently unfulfilled. Will I write? Compose? Shoot some video and edit it? Perform something?
The answer, of course, is that I will do nothing. I will sit at home and watch TV or a bunch of movies because, somehow, this quiets the nagging voice.
The worst, though, is when this mood attacks me while I'm at work (which I am right now).
I cannot focus. I cannot plan ahead. I cannot multi-task. I can't do anything except sit here and wonder what the hell I should do next, feeling too hot in every nook and cranny of my body.
I don't think this happens when I'm engaged in a long-term project. I think this same mood strikes me when I'm working hard at something, but the ready-made outlet at hand gives it the mask of a burst of inspiration. So what I'm suffering through right now is, I suppose, a kind of wet-dream for my creativity (whatever creativity means), a useless explosion of energy that accomplishes nothing but an increase in my body temperature.
I should try and train my body to turn this into a literal wet dream as that would be eminently more pleasureable and, also, would at least have a finite ending to look forward to.
posted by DMW at 11:23 AM
3 Comments:
Hehe, I understand what you mean. I try to keep a note pad handy so I can write stuff down until I can get to it later - I might not always get back to it, but writing it down gets it out of my system for a bit
...and then I slather myself down in canola oil and aim creative explosions at someone's face. Hehehe.
How about that "Harvesters" sequel, Dave?
Or what about that one story, which was pretty good, called "Stranded"?
You are multi-talented!
I love reading your movie reviews. Do not know anything about movies but, "wow", you do!
You can write screenplays and direct them and star in them and compose the score for them! I am always awed!
Sounds as if you are getting the "bee in the bonnet". This will be fun. Who knows what will sting you and how it will manifest.
Time for a popcorn treat and a relax.It will be fun!
sb
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